Funniest TV moment of 2008

Yes, I know we're only 10 days in and I'm sure there will be other amusing things for our televisual entertainment but this made me laugh out loud for a long time and I'm still giggling as I write this.

Picture the scene Amanda Lamb is trying to find England striker Jermain Defoe and his 22 year old, model fiancee, Charlotte Mears, a holiday home in Mallorca for less than £2million. She succeeds in finding them a 5 bedroom property that Charlotte loves with all furniture included for only £1.8m. Charlotte puts in an offer for £1.6m which the owners decline. The show ends with Charlotte humming and hawing over the extra £100,000 the owners have asked for.

Cue voiceover man.

"Since the end of filming Charlotte and Jermain have split up. Aww"

Fan-flipping-tastic! That voiceover man deserves an oscar or an MBE or something worthy of his wonderfully profound, insightful commentary.

Love it.

Back to Business!

I've been off work and uni since the 10th Dec so it's safe to say I'm bored of being off and I'm ready to go back. Uni doesn't start until the week of the 14th but luckily for me (and you) Blaze classes start back next week. Choose from Contemporary - great for core strength, Street - killer ass and Tap - amazing legs.

Get the year off to a good start by joining a dance class, you'll get fit, meet new people and avoid the rubbish on telly at least one night a week!

Contemporary - Tuesdays 7pm-8pm from 08.01.08
A relaxed class where you can work on your body from the inside out, using your core muscles, and have an invigorating introduction to contemporary dance and the style of FireBox Dance Theatre. Suitable for beginners and intermediates.

Street - Wednesdays 7pm-8pm from 09.01.08
High energy and high impact. Incorporates elements of poppin' and breakin' as well as a few moves just for fun. This class is suitable for everyone so come along and get your freak on.

Tap - Wednesdays 8pm-9pm from 09.01.08
Sort your shuffles from your ripples and your beats from your taps, this is an intermediate class aimed to develop rhythmic tapping and combinations.

Each class costs £30 for a block of 5 weeks. You can save yourself £5 by booking any 2 classes, book all 3 and save a tenner. Bargain!

Also, for complete beginners there will be a one-off start up Tap class to cover the basics before joining the main class. See Blaze for more info.

Well, what are you waiting for?

After a start like that...

I don't know if I'll be able to keep up this year. We started the night having a few civilised drinks in Sarah's flat before getting into the Subby in good time for the bells, drink in hand with our spot on the dancefloor well and truly secured. We pretty much stayed there until 5am only nipping upstairs to the Classic Grand for a pitstop or a boogie to some disco music with my old/new GBF (old because I've known him since I was 3, new because I haven't seen him since we left school although he has been looking around London for me - yes, people still think I moved to London! I didn't.).

After a quick freshen up in Sarah's (you have no idea how grateful I was for a quick wash after a very sweaty night dancing) we headed back to John's where the delightful host plyed us with more drinks as well as several cups of tea before packing us off home for the best sleep of my life.

For the record, I did have the confidence to wear my sparkly pants and spent the night getting my bum spanked (mostly by girls!) then giggled as an elderly Asian man dropped his pizza while staring at my legs.

Heeheehee!

Get Clicking for a Good Cause

I've recently been pointed in the direction of a few great sites. You click and they give to The Breast Cancer Site, The Hunger Site and various others, all detailed on the tabs at the top of the page.

It's completely free and 100% goes to charity, the money is raised by various companies paying for advertising space on the site but as it's a regulated, responsible site there aren't any nasty pop-ups or annoying flashy things so it's easy to do it again and again.

Another great wee site is Free Rice. Play a word game and every time you correctly guess the synonym for a given word you donate 20 grains of rice, again all for free. So far today, I've already given 1000 grains of rice.

I'm away to click some more.

Twinkle, twinkle sparkly briefs...

How I love those small fig-leaves
At the top of legs so long
They make my boyfriend sing a song!

Terrible wee poem about my lovely wee pants. I can't wait to wear them on Hogmanay, now I just need to find the perfect top to go with them...

Crimbo Catch Up

Ok, ok, I've been very lax recently with my blog writing and I'm sorry. Lots of things have happened but that also means I've been very busy. Since my last post I've been to Amsterdam, finished (and passed) the first part of my Masters, Christmas shopped on my tightest budget ever and celebrated Alasdair's birthday in style.

Our four days in Amsterdam were great, strolling along the canals, drinking hot chocolate and stuffing ourselves with more dough, cheese and ham than we could handle. The only downside was our ridiculously tiny room. Seriously tiny.



The other minor downside was our incredibly loud French neighbours, every night at around 1am they'd start screaming and running around the room. Not ideal for a romantic getaway. Anyway, on the upside Christmas decorations don't get put up until 12th night in Amsterdam so we were able to actually get excited about the whole thing rather than having it forced upon us since mid-October.

After that I found out I'd passed the PG Cert part of my Masters so now have a few more letters to tag on at the end of my name! Also on the work front, Derrick Linton, one of the Time Based Art students on my course, very kindly came down to Glasgow to a freezing day in the Arches to take our pictures for the new website. I'm busy designing the website right now and it'll be online in the new year but you can have a wee preview of the images on my myspace page (the link is opposite).

There have also been a few good nights in and out in the past month and the Subby was having a Morgan's Spiced night on Friday which to be honest could have gone either way but we decided to chance it and go along for Alasdair's birthday (4 days before Christmas - nightmare!). Good decision. Everyone was being handed Elvis style gold aviators as they entered and Mischief-La-Bas were there doing a press routine and taking polaroids of everyone. The music was pretty good as well and Sarah, Jen and I went mental for 5 minutes while they played MIA (AMAZING!!).



Well it's now Christmas and we'll be having our usual family day tomorrow full of pressies, booze and possibly karaoke - Alasdair doesn't know what he's let himself in for! Have a great one, enjoy it and please remember it's the thought that counts... after all, I'm a student again!

xx

...and relaaaax!

Phew! It's all done and dusted now, printed off on fancy paper, burned onto discs and emailed to my course leader one day ahead of the deadline. I really am a mature student now. The course is divided into 3 units, PG Cert, PG Dip and MSc, so that's the first one done. Providing I haven't made a total mess of it (fingers crossed) I will be able to add PG Cert to the end of my name in a few weeks time. Better order in the new stationery now!

Findhorn and the Fairies

I was up at the Findhorn Foundation last week for the Opensource Videodance event, first time I've been up there and I expected it to be like Balamory meets Martha's Vineyard but I didn't realise how accurate that was. When I arrived and found my accommodation, a B&B called Rainbow Lodge, the doors were open with a sign saying 'Pick an empty room and make yourself at home'. Don't see that happening at the Euro Hostel in Glasgow. After picking my room I had a wee wander round the foundation. People live here because they want to live off the land and live a more ecologically sound lifestyle.



Every evening dinner is provided for those who need it and their guests. Before dinner everyone must hold hands and thank the Findhorn fairies for helping to provide the food and prepare the food. Then after dinner the same hand-holding and thanking ritual takes place to bless the washing up then afterwards to bless those who washed up (as well as the Findhorn fairies, of course).

Now, with all this living off the land, tolerance and blessing food going on you'd be forgiven that Findhorn is a very relaxing place where people live and let live, don't dictate to one another and are open to different lifestyles... well, you'd be wrong.

Every time you turn around there's another sign telling you what and what not to do. No showers after dark, no bathroom lights on at night, don't put too much water in the kettle, only use the bread at breakfast time, take your shoes off at the door, no radio (NO RADIO!!!), dinner is at 6pm, washing up is at 6.30pm, and on and on and on.

It's the most regimented, least free-thinking place I've ever been to in my life and I really resented being told when and how to thank people - I've been brought up well enough to thank people when they provide food for me, you don't need to remind me!

I wasn't too keen on the place but the course itself was fantastic. Lot's of in-depth, academic discourse about a subject I'm really interested in plus the opportunity to pick the brains of people doing really exciting things in the field, it couldn't have come at a better time.

My Future Mother-In-Law, Research Woes and a New Toy

After being informed by Alasdair that his mother wanted a word with me about a Christmas night out for the girls in the family I gave his mum a call and was greeted by, "Hi Susan, this is your future mother-in-law, how are you?". A bit of a shock for both of us! Me and Alasdair that is. Apparently his mum has it all mapped out for us.

I've spent the rest of the week winding Alasdair up about it almost being Christmas and how he better produce a decent rock and speak to my dad first or it's a no go. Obviously I'm joking but it's got to a point where he's not sure which is always fun.

Apart from that, this week I've been struggling uni-wise. Struggling to determine exactly what it is I'm researching at uni. Initially I came up with the idea of anonymity giving people freedom but since discovering that all my research is anecdotal (not ideal for a Masters) I have decided to approach the course from a much more practical viewpoint. Since leaving uni (the first time round) 6 years ago I have worked on a project to project basis, making live dance and dance films just because I'm interested in them. They've always been inspired by music and a vision I've had for an end project but now that I'm having to create things from a research perspective I've been struggling. This week I've decided to tackle my course from a practical point of view, taking on lots of mini projects in order to experiment with a notion of the camera being another dancer, showing the viewer what a dancer sees, giving an 'inside view' of the movement. As a result I'm feeling a lot more positive about the whole thing and can't wait to get going with lots of practical work.

Finally a huge thank you to my parents who made Christmas come early today by giving me a MacBook. I can't wait to get going on my uni work now... as soon as I can tear myself away from t'interweb!

Busy, busy, busy

This week I've been a very busy girl updating websites, myspace pages & blog layouts, learning new software (or trying to at least), planning classes, teaching and generally getting ready for the winter.

At the moment I'm loving...

that feeling of accomplishment when web design software just works first time...
looking forward to what feels like the first big night out in ages...
seeing my dance pals (it's been far too long)...
getting all the doublers off my iPod and realising I have much more space than I thought...
being able to wear all the clothes at the back of my wardrobe that I thought I'd have to throw out because they used to be too small...

However I'm not too crazy about...

having cold hands & feet sitting at my computer...
gossip mongers getting their facts wrong...
not having enough cash to go out and buy new clothes that fit...

Company Class at The STAND

FireBox Dance Theatre is pleased to be opening it's company class to other advanced/professional level contemporary dancers. The class is a fusion of Cunningham, Limon and Bodyslam as well as FireBox's own fast-paced, energetic style.

Company class Monday evenings 7.30pm-9pm at The STAND, Clydebank. Drop in fee £6 or buy a term card for £40 lasting 8 classes. See www.fireboxdancetheatre.co.uk for more info.

The STAND Studio, St Andrew's High School, North Douglas Street, Clydebank, Glasgow G81 1NQ

The studio is on bus route numbers 11, 62 and 66 and is about 10 minutes walk from Clydebank train station.

Back to School

Yes, that's right in a moment of madness I accepted an offer to return to uni and do an MSc in Screendance. I found out about the course when an audience member mentioned it after seeing Dark Matter in April. I originally thought it'd be a 6 week intensive that I could pop along to, brush up on my editing skills and then get back to work. It was only when I got chatting to the course leader that I realised the intensity of it all. Not only is it a Masters degree but it's a full year, not an academic year, so I'm signed up to this until Sept 2008.

The course itself will introduce me to new software and techniques and has the opportunity for me to access the Dundee College dancers to create new work. There are only 2 of us full time on the Screendance strand and one other part time but we've been teamed up with Time Based Artists, Sound Artists, Illustrators and Animators as 'Media Arts and Imaging' so there's a range of people to work with on different things.

I'll be spending this year looking into interactive software and it's use within a non-dance context to create dance. It'll all become clear soon enough but basically it means lots of hours in tech suites programming for different eventualities then taking it into the real world, finding out it doesn't work the way I want it to and going back to square one. There will also be a choreographed piece using the software just in case.

It's all very exciting and I'm already noticing little things in my work that could be changed easily and make it much slicker so I'm off to do my first assignment now... the DVD of the last Blaze & FireBox performance.

Too Tired to Move a Muscle

Sleep Paralysis

I had never heard of this term or condition before and even after I'd experienced it I assumed it was just a freaky dream but now I've had it 3 times in 2 weeks and it's starting to become a pain in the proverbial.

For the uninitiated amongst you, which I am assuming is probably the majority unless I've been living under a rock all these years. Sleep paralysis is the temporary paralysis of the body shortly after waking up or, less commonly, shortly before falling asleep (thanks Wikipedia). It feels like your mind is awake but you're unable to move or make any sounds. Very, very scary when you've no idea what's happening and you're trying to shout out for help but you can't make a noise.

The first time I had it was the day we got home from Bestival in Alasdair's house. Just as I was falling asleep I suddenly felt very panicky and realised I couldn't move. I managed to 'wake up' (I assumed I was dreaming at the time) and told Alasdair what had happened. He said he'd had the same 'dream' years ago and not to worry, I wouldn't actually become paralysed. I then went on to have several dreams about being chased and stabbed by people and having to throw knives at them to keep them back (get that shrink on speed dial!) but that's another story.

The second time was probably more scary as this time I was convinced something was wrong with me and I was on my own so had no-one to reassure me or, alternatively, call an ambulance if they woke up and I was paralysed. It happened for the third time last night, I was on my own again and only felt a wee bit worried about it. I'm now concerned that this is going to be a regular occurrence for me. I already get fits of restless leg syndrome and don't think I could put up with something else to disturb my sleep on a regular basis.

Has anyone else had this? Will they become more or less frequent? Any tips on avoiding it? Now that I know what it is I don't feel quite so anxious about them happening and apparently if I move my eyes slowly from side to side I'll be able to 'wake' myself up. Any other suggestions will be most appreciated.

A padded cell is being fitted as I type!

Fun & Frolics at Bestival

I was going to attempt to document the whole weekend but so many strange and wonderful things happened that the only way I can organise my brain around them is by using bulletpoints. Some will be self-explanatory and some are 'in-jokes' and just for my own amusement I'm not going to explain them. Have fun drawing your own conclusions.

Thursday

- 7 hour drive to Southampton, mini flip out from me when I spotted my friend's old house
- gorgeous sunset ferry trip to IOW
- manic driving trying to find Newport FC's makeshift campsite 'before dark' despite the fact I already had my full beams on
- tent up 2nd time lucky and a few celebratory drinks
- hunt the seat testicles

Friday

- 3 mile drive from Newport FC to Bestival site taking almost 2 hours
- 2 trips from car to campsite with booze and gear
- tent up 1st time and many celebratory drinks
- Bollywood Bar & Big Top for much dancing, laughing and chatting to strangers

Saturday

- pirate day
- Worzel Gummage drops his rollie
- Christopher Walken
- 'You're a pure pie'
- midnight pizza munching
- Big Top for much dancing, laughing, chatting to strangers and aarrrgghing

Sunday

- zzzip, ksssh, glug glug glug
- let's get married
- worst ale ever
- 'just a band'
- Big Top for much dancing, laughing and chatting to Grotbags

Monday

- 6.30am alarm
- to spew or not to spew
- £26 breakfast
- 7.15pm home safe and sound
- best shower ever

photos are on my flickr page x

Countdown to Bestival

I am getting very excited now. I have a tent, wellies, suncream, tickets and pirate costume all ready to go. A quick trip to asda (ok, maybe lidl) later on for booze and croissants (breakfast is the most important meal of the day after all) and we're all set. I even decorated the envelope with all the important things in it. Yes, I know that's possibly the most pathetic thing I've ever done but that's what happens when I get excited about things.

Now if everyone can join together in a little sundance for the weekend I will be most grateful. Thank you x